Third Party Communication

She hates television and that made the story more compelling. Speaking up in the middle of a parenting class, she said her son had appeared closed up; shut down to communication. She’d been praying a way to talk with him when an idea came at her sideways.

We’d been talking about third party communication- using someone or something outside the family to talk about. It can be an easier access point into dialogue. During the adolescent years kids will often argue for their freedom because….well, ‘Jimmy’s family is okay with it’. Instead of gossip, exploring values as they surface in outside situations is a great discussion starter.

This lady continued her story. Her son had been bugging her- incessantly at times- to watch a television show when an idea came to her. Third-party discussion. Going against her disdain for television, she entered this weekly time with him and noticed (with increasing enthusiasm) that following the show, he would talk. And talk.

She said something then which caught me off guard. An upcoming trip forced her to be out of town one week, interrupting their time together. When she told her son that she couldn't join him that week he said, ‘let’s record it and watch it when you get back’

Their time and subsequent discussion of values had become so entrenched that he chose to put it on hold rather than go it alone. An extraordinary example of third party dialogue.